My friend Kris Anne had an interesting post called “Sex and Seminary” (great title for a spin-off of Sex and the City. I can totally see Charlotte enrolling here in Hatfield). Anyway, my comment was getting too long so it’s now a post here.
Hey sister, I know what you mean. I say this knowing full well that I am a lust-trap myself. I’ve noticed when I lead the congregation in prayer, there are many women that don’t close their eyes. Of course, it’s to look at me a little more. Like the Lord told Peter (in a translation that does not exist yet), “Everything I made is good”. (Yes, I’m kidding).
I’ve been thinking about how to appropriately make a comment here without sounding chauvinistic but I’m trying too hard and thus, doomed to fail. So here we go.
Certainly, I believe that we should all strive for purity in our thoughts, actions, words, etc. Also, I believe we should all dress with a sense of modesty but that’s obviously a relative scale. Certainly, we should consider where we will be and who we will be with when we put on our clothes but only to an appropriate extent.
Wear your up, wear your hair down, but wear it how you felt like it. Feeling like dressing up a little bit more today, like the comment you get from your husband when you wear that sweater (not because it’s sexy but because he likes how the color looks on you. Or because your spouse thinks the former), then go ahead. But I think you know all that and that’s not really what you’re saying.
The part that I really want to get into is what you wear and what you should wear “at church” (ie worship service). I understand and appreciate that many women do not wear things that are inappropriate in a worship service (whether they will be on the platform or in the pew in front of me). However at some point, we as men (and young men), need to put forth the necessary diligence and allow the Spirit to form us when it comes to the areas of things like our purity. We cannot discriminate against women being in front of the church because they’re too beautiful!
If I could put myself out there – I was at an event where there were probably 10 people leading us in worship. There were a lot of lights, screens, instruments, and spit flying through the air. It was pretty energetic and everyone was bouncing up and down. One of the singers was a pretty twenty-something. Her top was fitted but not in the “going clubbing” sense. Here are a couple of thoughts in reflection of sexy and seminary and sexy and on stage:
1. Do we really need to only have unattractive women in our church (or on our platforms)? Because that just sounds ridiculous. I can hear it now. A woman is asked to sing on the praise team and is relieved that she wasn’t too beautiful to serve.
2. Should she have put something baggier on?
A. I don’t think that’s really the issue
B. And I leave it up to her.
3. Should we never play music that makes us bounce or show the physicality of our bodies? That too sounds lame. Sometimes good music makes you jump. Sometimes the Lord does too.
4. I don’t feel guilty about these thoughts. They were not sinful nor lustful. Thinking about our sexuality is a healthy thing, even in a worship service (In a worship context we have a tendency of sounding legalistic and I don’t see worship being an “on-off” switch). In a sense it reminded me that I tend to look too much at those leading me in worship as opposed to who am I supposed to be worshipping and it caused me to deeply examine this part of my heart.
5. Depending on you as a reader, you are probably assuming a couple things at this point.
A. Wow, this guy is a pastor? And he talks about other women? He must not be married. Oh he is?? He must not be happily married.
B. Wow, this guy has done too much thinking about this. This is what the devil does – distract us from what is truly important.
C. If these are your thoughts, re-read point 5 – You are part of the problem. (No offense, it’s ok, I am too but please keep reading).
6. As a Church, we have no problem with putting obese men in these spotlights. I know I have sat in a worship setting and thought things like, “Wow, that guy is big.” I don’t remember ever thinking he shouldn’t be up front because of it.
7. If we are being honest, I think it’s somewhat normal for most of us to take inventory of the person speaking, or the performer, or the bride, or the barista, or whoever. We tend to do that and we get used to it. We can do this in church settings too.
8. What I am not saying:
A. That people should dress inappropriately and allow the audience to just deal with it.
B. That people who are not perfect should be given any more or any less preference. (I’m saying it doesn’t really matter).
9. That day at the event, I realized that we don’t have women in front of us in church enough. As a result, people like Kris Ann feels the way she does.
10. God has given us so many gifts from singing to hospitality. I’m grateful for all who are in the Church.
Tim, you rock! :) Thanks for the shout-out on your blog.
Is there, perhaps, a line between appreciating beauty and lusting after it (meaning, wanting to possess it)…. and maybe that’s where we get caught (and not just men, but women too)?
And if there is, is there also a tension within ourselves between appreciating our bodies and being prideful about them (or the opposite– feeling shame about them)?
If we could all just be NORMAL! Wouldn’t that be nice?