I am usually hesitant about out writing posts about love and marriage and revealing this part of my life but our little martial milestone has been occupying my mind as of late. While I won’t be sharing thoughts that belong inside of anniversary cards nor will I get into some matters of intimacy here, I thought I’d share a few lessons learned along the long, sometimes difficult, but many times, beautiful road of marriage.
I know some read that sentence and say, “Difficult? How dare he say that?” That reaction usually means you are in for a tough time in the marriage department. I’ll be praying for your spouse ;-)
The truth is that ten years has gone real fast and real slow and sometimes it’s felt like 10 years. In a few years, I will have known Susan majority of my living years. I’ve always been intrigued by crossing that threshold. In the beginning of marriage, some have the inclination of feeling that you are still your parent’s kid even though you are married to someone else. After you have known someone for 18-20 years, you become someone’s spouse who may still have parents living. I find these dynamics striking in light of celebrating life-long vows.
They key is to not lose hope together.
I suppose one of the most important aspects of marriage is to continue hoping and striving for a beautiful future. In ten years, you have some tough days, especially for Susan since she has to put him with me. For me, it hasn’t been that bad because I am a heartless, insensitive soul so she has had to carry both our burdens ;-) So I tell her, “Honey, we can’t lose hope.”
Truth is, we regularly revisit the changes we need to work on. We pray about them ask God to strengthen for us, and try to take on the sacrificial nature of love. Along the years, some of these changes have been easier, some have proven to be more difficult than anticipated, and some are beyond our control.
Don’t always make a big deal out of important matters.
Important matters are important. And while pretending something didn’t happen or enabling unhealthy patterns is obviously not helpful, neither is dwelling on certain matters. A lot of prayer, space, discernment is needed here. Sometimes the problem is not as insurmountable as we think it to be and sometimes the reaction to the problem is bigger than the problem.
Don’t always downplay non-important things.
This one is probably more directed to husbands (but probably depends on personality types as well). If it’s important to your wife, it’s important to you. While you may not be able to respond in the same way, because you are a heartless, insensitive stump (or at least I’m told ;-), try real hard. It has helped me to try to reenact the feeling of watching Chien Ming Wang pitch this season, “You’ve got to be kidding me! She said that to you!?! Oh that’s worse than a 22.48 ERA!” (Phillies fans will have an easier time understanding this but please don’t go too far and throw snowballs and batteries.)
It helps if you marry someone great.
And love conquers all.
The moment we fail to realize this, the solutions to our problems become something that books, professional counseling, and beautiful memories cannot fix.
My favorite moments of the past few weeks.
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