I just read The Case for Early Marriage by Mark Regnerus and thought it was a decent article, especially for many CT readers. Most near my age will laugh at the first few paragraphs and I think you should click just to check out the first three paragraphs. In any case, I liked the article and here are some thoughts.
I got married young (23) and am grateful for it. It all kind of worked out for me (Susan still isn’t sure but I’m ok with that ;-) Every so often I think to myself, “Wow, so maybe I wasn’t a complete idiot in college.” But we married young because we were convinced that we found the person we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with, not necessarily because we wanted to be married young. In fact, I’m confident that had neither of us thought we were right for each other, we would have broken up and waited for the right person and the right time.
Just a few weeks ago as we were driving to Poets, Prophets and Preachers, Susan and I were talking about this. It usually arises from the context of I’m not sure I would have gone to Liberty had I to do it all over again. Some days I am certain that I wouldn’t, some days I am certain that I would (because I do think it has shaped me and my present perspectives). Most days I say, if I hadn’t, I would have regretted not meeting Susan. And that’s probably true because I don’t believe in this “God only has one person out there for you and you need to follow His treasure map plan so you two will meet. This is why you should always rush to get into the elevator and speed through yellow lights so you won’t miss destiny at the grocery store.” Or is that you should wait for the next elevator and brake hard at yellow lights so you don’t miss God’s will at the light? This is why God didn’t foreordain me to be a Calvinist (I’ve been getting a lot of mileage out of that joke lately).
So should Christians marry young? My answer is yes and no. I’ve met too many people who regretted marrying young. That’s not to say that they may have regretted marrying at another point in time but their sentiment is worth heavily considering. On the other hand, I’ve listened to those who regretted marrying later on or not at all. Both comments have been found in counseling sessions, some have been dear friends, and some of have been those that you meet along the journey of life.
Indeed it’s difficult to meet people later on in life. This is clearly evidenced by my single friends. Frankly, many of them are amazing people that have not found their “one.” If I was single and looking I’d probably have duplicate facebook accounts, a membership on every dating site including Jdate, a blog dedicated to my singleness called “The Desperate Disciple” and would be trying to produce my own reality show called, “The Bachelor Pastor that was Left Behind”. I’d cast Christian girls from various circles like the wholesome northern girl, the southern ex-smoker, a Bob Jones grad and for the sake of good television, a non-Christian. She would probably be a pastor’s daughter and would be easily identified by the tattoos, the leather biker-chick attire and constant use of profanity. If I couldn’t convince FOX maybe I could get TBN or that Angel Network that I see advertised every so often. I’d write a book called I Kicked Courtship Good-bye and would man a table at the Women of Faith rallies (do they still have those?). In all likelihood, all this would be a disaster and be used as further evidence to Regnerus’ point.
I would really like to encourage young people (like my youth group students) to be open to marrying young (defined as soon after college) and not be set on waiting until after grad school or after they have made their first million or something. I would also like to encourage those determined on meeting someone in college to be open to waiting for the right person and/or until they became the right person. Perhaps being open to this tension would allow us to be more selfless and more open to finding a significant other.
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