I cannot disclose how I got this. Nor have I been able to determine the authenticity of it but I am passing it along.
To my allegedly number one fan Evan,
I would like to begin by expressing my sincere gratitude of taking the time to read my books and lament my moving on as the bishop of Durham.
Initially I was under the impression that you were a member of my congregation, but one of our secretaries told me you lived near Philadelphia, employed by PBU, a student of Biblical Seminary, and a dear friend of one of the younger inspirations speaking into my life, that wonderful Tim Ghali.
That said, it is perplexing for me to see why you are taking this so hard. After reading your post, printing it out, and committing it to memory in one of my afternoon tea and walks, I now understand your pain. I too will miss the title of Bishop but you must know it is not all that it is made out to be. For one, they make you wear these ridiculous costumes every so often. It’s embarrassing really.
Second, living in a castle seemed like a splendid idea after watching Braveheart. But honestly it’s very drafty in the winter and the mattresses are squaggey. Further, they wouldn’t let Maggie redecorate, we have saints buried in the living room, and I believe the ghost of Saint Peter is in one of those armored knight statues in the South Chamber hallway. I believe it’s Peter because he speaks in terrible Greek, curses frequently, denies it, reeks of tuna, and every so often, I receive a scribbled note that says, “You need to write a book called, “What Saint PETER Really Said”.
But back to you my dear boy, Evan, I want to disclose a little more of what the press article did not say. Not only do I really want to finish my new Paul book, but I want to be more anti-establishment and becoming a professor is the next step. I hope when it is all said and done, I can be a youth pastor at some hip church plant in the Northeast and also open a teahouse called, “T For Everyone”. You get it right? You Americans are at times a bit slow.
Oh and please stop sending me emails inquiring of internships. There are more of these requests than contestants of “Britain Has Got Talent”.
Sincerely.
Tom
** For those without a sense of humor, this is not a real email from NT Wright. Like the Shroud of Turin, it’s a fabrication ;-)
Actually, the Shroud of Turin is legit.
Dear N.T. Wright,
What does squaggey mean?
-Evan
It is? They haven’t been able to find that blue robe he wore all the time but they got this. And no early church father ever makes a mention of this until the 12th century?
If I was one of the first disciples, this would have been my post-ascension flag. But in all honesty, I am not well-read on the history of the shroud. It’s existence does not change anything for me concerning my faith.
I still get a chuckle reading this, well done!
Re. the Shroud of Turin: It would’ve been referred to as the Holy Mandylion in the Early Church.
I too believe its legit, but it most certainly has no bearing on my faith either.