1. Read one book …. a day.

2. Jog 20 miles … five times a week.

3. Benchpress the weight … of ALL my books (and I have got a lot of them)

4. Read through the Bible … in their original languages (I only know a year’s worth of Greek and know a few characters in Hebrew but I’m on it!).

5. Be the best X-Box 360 player in my youth group. I figure if I train hard while they are at school, I’ll have an edge. And if I pray for my students as I am destroying them in Madden and Call of Duty, I can call that ministry.

6. Give more in the offering plate, as in suggestions. Sometimes the trustees don’t respond to my emails, I may have to step it up.

7. Blog more Seinfeldly. Like the other day, I was getting out of my car, and I wasn’t sure if my phone fell out because it felt like something fell out, but when I looked, I didn’t see anything. I looked again, and still nothing. Are you familiar with this? (Enter my George Costanza-like friend). “Yes, that would be the ‘fake something out of your pocket’ drop. The only way to avoid that feeling is to either wear clothes with no pockets, thereby insuring that nothing can fall out or wear clothes with loose pockets, cramming them with loads of stuff, thereby increasing the probably that something will actually fall out.” (Enter Kramer-like friend), “Check it out, I found an iPhone next to your car – Giddy up!”

I cannot disclose how I got this. Nor have I been able to determine the authenticity of it but I am passing it along.

To my allegedly number one fan Evan,
I would like to begin by expressing my sincere gratitude of taking the time to read my books and lament my moving on as the bishop of Durham.
Initially I was under the impression that you were a member of my congregation, but one of our secretaries told me you lived near Philadelphia, employed by PBU, a student of Biblical Seminary, and a dear friend of one of the younger inspirations speaking into my life, that wonderful Tim Ghali.

That said, it is perplexing for me to see why you are taking this so hard. After reading your post, printing it out, and committing it to memory in one of my afternoon tea and walks, I now understand your pain. I too will miss the title of Bishop but you must know it is not all that it is made out to be. For one, they make you wear these ridiculous costumes every so often. It’s embarrassing really.

Second, living in a castle seemed like a splendid idea after watching Braveheart. But honestly it’s very drafty in the winter and the mattresses are squaggey. Further, they wouldn’t let Maggie redecorate, we have saints buried in the living room, and I believe the ghost of Saint Peter is in one of those armored knight statues in the South Chamber hallway. I believe it’s Peter because he speaks in terrible Greek, curses frequently, denies it, reeks of tuna, and every so often, I receive a scribbled note that says, “You need to write a book called, “What Saint PETER Really Said”.

But back to you my dear boy, Evan, I want to disclose a little more of what the press article did not say. Not only do I really want to finish my new Paul book, but I want to be more anti-establishment and becoming a professor is the next step. I hope when it is all said and done, I can be a youth pastor at some hip church plant in the Northeast and also open a teahouse called, “T For Everyone”.  You get it right?  You Americans are at times a bit slow.

Oh and please stop sending me emails inquiring of internships. There are more of these requests than contestants of “Britain Has Got Talent”.
Sincerely.

Tom

** For those without a sense of humor, this is not a real email from NT Wright. Like the Shroud of Turin, it’s a fabrication ;-)

Saw this on Marko’s site:

Sarah Palin has picked out an All-American set of names for her children. There’s Track, Trig, Bristol, Willow, andPiper.

Ever wonder, What would your name would be if Sarah Palin was your mother? Well now you can find out!

Tim, if you were born to Sarah Palin, your name would be:

Jeep Pike Palin

That’s not bad.  I like Jeeps.  My brother has one.  

And I used to like Starbuck’s Pike Place coffee the first 5 months of drinking it.  (Now I like Caribou. Kidding,I don’t believe in leaving the “Church” and two, we don’t have Caribou in the northeast, )  

Well, no offense Sarah, I’m glad you’re not mom.

Hey, find out what your name would have been and let me know.  

It’s a sneaky way for you to get used to commenting on here.  

So diabolical.

The Caption reads: “Baby, your name must be grace, because you are irresistable”.
Can’t wait til this comes out.
Thanks to: http://themetrocalvinist.blogspot.com/index.htmlv